ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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