We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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