do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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