I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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