I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
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My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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