You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
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Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize