Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
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she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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