I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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