Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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