i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
