dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Is Oprah even human
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize