I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
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I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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