Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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