i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize