So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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