I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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