I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize