so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
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Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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