But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
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how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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