i already hear my dad disowning me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
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If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
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He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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