So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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