ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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