Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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