Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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