so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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