if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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