So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
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You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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