Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
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Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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