Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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