Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
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I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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