he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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