ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize