And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
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The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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