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Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
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