Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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