I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize