Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize