Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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