I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
