the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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