She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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