escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
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"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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