You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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