Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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