so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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