I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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