I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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