so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
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STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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