he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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