How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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